Thursday, November 03, 2005

The light of Diwali


This year my Diwali plans to go to my hometown Chennai were unexpectedly cancelled because of the torrential rains. I was gloomy that I would not spend this Diwali with my parents. But, I would like to share a few things that I learnt from spending a quiet Diwali weekend at my flat. These realizations probably lit up a lot of diyas in my heart that may not have otherwise happened had I spent a usual Diwali.

Sitting at home, I let my mind be idle. I knew the age-old saying, "An idle mind is a devil's workshop". Yet, I somehow let it do what it could. This was the first time in one-and-a-half years of a software professional life that I totally let myself relax. A lot of thoughts floated about. I could see the various times in the recent year that I had been in a state of confusion of whether I am on the right track towards my dreams, infact, now the question arose, one that I had taken for granted earlier - what exactly were my dreams? Now that I tried to lay them down, I realized that I couldn't put down even a single focussed dream. I realized that I had been drifting from one dream to another not really focussing on any of them. Sometimes, it was to become a scientist in aerospace, sometimes to become a writer, sometimes to pursue higher studies and sometimes to become a millionaire :). (I think the devil caught up properly with me :))

I tried to focus harder on what I would really like. One side my mind was telling me this was a fruitless search that you have done many a time and not gained. Other side, a force that was telling me to have faith and try harder, for it does not make sense to simply let life push you along, and that it was the way of life to make people frequently stop and look down at their future. This second force was telling me that wise are the ones who realize this and constantly realign themselves back on track to their dreams.

This flow of thought also brought one more thing that I had overlooked in my pursuits to satisfy my mind - my family and friends. I realized that family and friends gave me more pleasure than my personal pursuits.

I realized that only if I intertwine and balance my pursuits with my social life would I really be able to get the drive and the support to pursue my dreams.

After nearly an hour of interrogation into myself, I was finally able to define my dreams in three words - Focus, Balance and Innovation. I realized that if I built my life around the above three entities I would really be a happy person. Infact, I smiled to myself since the three words abbreviated to FBI :).

I realized that this was a kind of meditation that I had just experienced - a kind of deep introspection into one's soul. I realized that I had not heard a single sound, nor noticed the passage of time or anything material in that span of time. It was like the whole universe had been inside my mind. I realized the gravity with which my mind had held me. It was simply refreshing and I got up energized like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

Thanks God for enlightening up a confused soul this Diwali.

Guys, this blog will be much more active henceforth :)